it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
