I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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