I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
