margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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