you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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