it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
