You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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