I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
