i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
