Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
