I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
