i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
