my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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