well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
