he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize