About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
