thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
