so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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