God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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