ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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