she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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