I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize