Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
im on a boat
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