I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
