You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
