I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
