I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So much rum. So many feels.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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