I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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