Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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