i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
