waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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