WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
