Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
