i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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