I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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