I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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