pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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