Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
