Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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