I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
