I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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