wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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