You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
