I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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