So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
