you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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