Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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