omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
