he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
