Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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