I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
