Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
