Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
