He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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