wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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