Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
