It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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