There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys