Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
