My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.