Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
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he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.