I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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