Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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