Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
