I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
