Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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