weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
