Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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