Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
