I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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