i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
