In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
