Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We need to get me chipped asap
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
