I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
